18 | 04 | 2019
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by Larry James


If you have been honored by being chosen to be the Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor at your friends wedding it’s important for you to know that you were chosen because of your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion and get-the-job-done qualities, to say nothing of your close friendship with the bride. You were also chosen because you are a good listener – especially to the wants and needs of the bride. You will be the VIP of the bridal party. She needs a leader. Someone who will be responsible for your own duties and those of the bridesmaids.

IMPORTANT: A lot is expected of you from the time you are asked to serve and until after the wedding. You and the bride will talk about the wedding almost every day. It’s a big job. You will need to be a constant part of the process. You will be her support system during the bride’s entire engagement. She will ask your opinion and when she does, give it, but never try to control things. Being a bride’s maid or matron of honor is a distinction many women cherish. But it doesn’t come cheap. Make sure that you have the finances, the time and limitless patience.

Many bridesmaids are left torn between maintaining a friendship and breaking the bank. There is tremendous pressure for everything to go smoothly. Be familiar with your duties. Study them. Make notes. By knowing your duties and preparing ahead of time, making sure you have plenty of written schedules, checklists, and maps to guide you, you can remain calm and collected. If you are not up to it… politely decline the position and offer to be a bridesmaid instead. It’s okay to say no!

Besides fluffing the train, your duties extend way beyond walking down the aisle, holding the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony, bustling the dress and giving a tear-inducing toast at the reception. It can be a terrific opportunity to help the bride enjoy a enjoyable, stress-free day, creating a happy memory that will last a lifetime.

You will carry breath mints and bobby pins and anything else requested. You will have to stick by the Bride’s side – especially on the big day – like super glue and be willing to do whatever it takes for her to be comfortable and to feel taken care of. You will also be in charge of the clean-up crew including making sure the cards and gifts are delivered per the bride’s instructions.


Be creative. Get input from the bridesmaids. Think of interesting ways you can be helpful to the bride, however, do only the things you are asked to do, and ask before you do anything she hasn’t requested.

When the bride has help from family members, the groom or lots of bridesmaids who want to pitch in, the maid of honor’s responsibilities could be lessened. If you notice that a bridesmaid is beginning to gossip or complain, talk privately to her and never let it turn into a bigger problem. Remind her that she’s being honored by being named a bridesmaid, and part of that honor is being nice to the other bridesmaids.

“The maid of honor’s role isn’t gender-specific anymore. Honor attendants can be men as well as women, and it isn’t unheard of to have more than one honor attendant sharing the privilege of serving as the bride’s trusted confidante and aide. Actually, this is a great way to split the labor and bestow the honor on more than one trusted friend or relative.” ~ HowStuffWorks.com

And finally, serve with distinction! If other commitments prevent you from giving the Bride the attention she deserves, you may be a better candidate for a Bridesmaid.


Copyright © 2014 – Larry James.  Reprinted with permission.  This article is adapted from Larry’s book, "How to Really Love the One You're With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,"  his Wedding Website and Wedding Blog. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere!  You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding articles, ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com. Wedding Blog:  http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com.

April 2019